Burning Anger

What do you do when you have so much anger to burn?

Walk it off.

I’m growing fond of our newly constructed walkway by the seaside.
I go there daily at either dawn or lunchtime … fewer people are there to irritate me.
The wind blows delightfully these days.
(and if I’m lucky I get to enjoy a run in the rain)

Earphones plugged into Ipod; motivation music runs with me.
I race my shadow… Sometimes I win… Sometimes I don’t… It depends on the time of day… but I always make it to the end. Always.

I feel the tension breaking down in my rigid muscles… and anger evaporating from every open pore on my skin. After a few minutes I break into sweat. It’s cold.
The anger is lost and replaced with vulnerability and pain- two issues that aren’t cured by running… but by security, comforting and assurance- where was I to get that now?

1… 2… 3… 4… 5… 6… 7… 8… 

I fluster.

Suddenly I catch sight of her as she moves into my vision.

She was standing at the end of the track. Tears began to flow as I sprinted towards the finish line. Her blurred image shaking as I got closer. Inhaling the bitter air in gulps- the cold air pierced my lungs… I gave a loud shriek as my heart cramped… losing my balance I collapsed into her open arms. She pushed my hair away from my face and kissed me before I coughed up a fair amount of blood- Panicking at the sight of it- things get worse as an ambulance speeds by with its deafening siren … I began to get hysterical.

I have woken up in hospital rooms so many times that if I actually woke up in my own bedroom it would feel odd.

I woke up in my bedroom.

The ticking of the gauge on the oxygen tank was maddening me.

She was there by my side but the vapor on my mask was distracting me.

It’s amazing to take things for granted.
God feeling secure by being the only one is good… I had missed it.

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~ by Disturbed Stranger on February 3, 2010.

 
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