A Stone in My Chest

There is a cold stone in my chest. I can feel it. Buried deep… ripping and tearing through my warm soft flesh. There is pain. No bodily pain…just mental pain… mental annoyance; my cognizant awareness of its existence inside me. Deep inside me. It cannot be removed, no surgery will rid me of it, no surgeon will agree to it. A curse. A burden. A burden I must carry with me to my grave… where a stone naturally belongs… where I belong. The pain it afflicts is on those closest to me, those who suffer the most. I cannot seem to help it. I cannot seem to want to help it. I do not seem to care… all symptoms of my disease. My sole disease… soul disease. There is no cure. I must coldly shudder off every shred of emotion as I slip into a circle of darkness…almost as dark as that stone.

-To the person who has corrupted my heart

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~ by Disturbed Stranger on August 29, 2008.

84 Responses to “A Stone in My Chest”

  1. OUCH!
    Who’s the S.O.B behind the corruption?!

  2. You have a lot weighing on your mind.

  3. I know what you mean.

  4. Whoever it is you’re talking about clearly doesn’t deserve you.
    I would ignore or move away from them.
    You deserve more than this heart-ache.

  5. mental challenge- Doesn’t matter…

    teachthemasses- Indeed…

    randall- Good to know there are others out there..

    Karri Compton- That’s what I told “them”… they insisted I was obnoxious and had nothing special about me :)

  6. Its not just black and white, its shades of grey. A cold grey. It makes me shiver with guilt as though I’m the culprit. woah!

  7. Obviously, someone whose emotional intelligence could well be called to question.

    Thank you for coming by my place – and commenting on my Haiku. I am amazed that no one seems to understand that it wasn’t about Mars, at all.

  8. “Them”. I meant ‘them’.

  9. I had a deja vu reading that:)

  10. This is a deep pain that leaves one numb- and heavy .
    All things will pass. The storm , no matter how fierce it is, will always pass. It will pass and a new day is awaiting you.
    Keep going.

  11. could men be so blind to not see the pain they cause? the damage they carve upon our hearts?
    Not all men are as careless, I admit. But those who are, are you even human? @@

  12. I second Karri Compton. This is too painful. You shouldn’t be around anyone who does this to you.

  13. If there wasn’t pain, i guess it wouldn’t be Life. We’re all bound to experienct this ‘cold stone’ feeling, so ur not alone :) but i loved the way u described it.
    isn’t it better to try to remember the bright side once in a while, just to keep going?

  14. Chunk the stone at them.

  15. A picture says a thousand words! I am sorry this is life and it is sour! You deserve better than this heart ache!

  16. Yeah I love the last comment! Pick the stone up and make it useful!!! right between the eyes, baby!

    anyway i love the dedication you added at the end. like all of your work it’s pack full of emotion, lovely descriptions and feels very honest and real. i really like the play on words too.

  17. Oh some times a ‘surgeon’ does come along and venture a surgery…but somehow they end up causing a deeper wound than even before

    Oh btw…i have an appointment with a voodoo doll maker tomorrow evening for a certain incompetent surgeon…wanna come along ;p ;) ;p

    hope u meet the person who deserves your heart soon sweetie

  18. enemy- It’s supposed to do that…
    And there are very dark stones… darker than any black you’ve seen… It gives you chills just looking at them!

    Iceel- I didn’t think it had any relation to Mars.
    Thank you for your compliment and welcome to my blog!

    amethystos- Really? ;)

    Jena Isle- I know that… I know it will pass eventually. I just don’t want to encounter it or clean up its remains…

    skittles- My dear… women aren’t angels themselves… They may even be worse…

    hanan- I’m not around them… but they can’t seem to stay away from me ;)

    atoona- I welcome pain… but not other’s pain.. That’s just troublesome!

    Pure Evyl- The best response so far!! Love it and will do!
    And…. you owe me a cucumber pic ;)

    Amu- I always deserve better! Thank you dear :*

    lainylapiz- I loved it too! And I think I do that already ;) Thank you, I love your work as well… equally as intriguing..

  19. Your words are perfect. I, too, have had stones in my heart…somehow they soften…eventually.

  20. Clearly they are ignorant then- I wouldn’t waste another minute on them.

  21. That is just deep!
    fantastic descriptions and images.
    If I may say so, as far as I’ve known you, I only have this to say: no one deserves your heart; no one CAN deserve your heart.
    You’re too extraordinarily unique to find someone worthy of your heart.

    and I don’t mean to smooche here :P just stating the obvious!

    Great ending by the way!

    P.S check your e-mail ;)

  22. I’m sure whoever is responsible regret it very much……everyday.

  23. Darya- I don’t know how I skipped your comment…
    I’d love to come with! I already have my voodoo doll though ;) Do you believe they sell them online?! Let’s go torture people together! ;) Thanks for the encouragement!

    “hope u meet the person who deserves your heart soon sweetie”- I doubt it, Kevin H said a mouthful…

  24. Just so you will know, the cucumber pic is up.

  25. You know everything this “person” is doing is out of strong love for you and is for your own good!
    You’re very dear and cherished to that “person”, you know that. Everyone knows that! :P
    maybe you’re the one elly mga9raa, we all know that too :)
    so kiss and make up and forget all the unwanted and unnecessary pain? ;)

  26. Who’s hurting you?
    I never thought anyone could.
    Effective post.

    Although disturbing it’s beautifully described. Great imagery.

  27. Tabbie- Softening stones? How disturbing…

    Karri Compton- I wouldn’t waste a second let alone minute.

    Kevin H- I’m speechless! Got the “mail”… very thoughtful! Thank you :*

    Queen N- I don’t give a rat’s ass about their regrets!

    Pure Evyl- Looooool! I don’t think I’ll ever enjoy a cucumber again! ;)

    q8tia- I almost deleted your comment… but then again I thought…”I know who sent her”… It doesn’t suit you to give advice babe it just makes you sound foolish, which is why I kept your comment; now we’re even ;*

    Alyssa M- No one is. You’re right: No one can. This is just fictional writing. Thank you for your compliment.

  28. Ahh yes, very well said Kevin H; I stand corrected :D

    *bows bumblingly*

    They sell them online??!!! Hold on let me check…

    [5 minutes later]

    Ok i feel stupid now; how come i didn’t know that?? I wonder if i can have them custom made? hmmm?

    Oh, btw, recently I have been seriously thinking of suing a ‘certain’ jackass on the grounds of emotional distress. I am no lawyer but i think i have enough legal grounds to do so :D…i’m not kidding, honestly i want to campaign against jackasses and have some kind of law passed to put an end to jackasses acting like a typical jackass :D

  29. powerful words…I could feel the resentment and anger.

    Well done disturbed!

    JO

  30. Good to hear that :)

    ..and fictional or not I love your writing!

  31. Ouch!!!!!!

    True, but you know I’m right, so please be nice :*

  32. q8tia is absolutely right!!

    now you play nice with your friends or mommy will have to punish you :)

  33. I have a new post ;-)

  34. Darya- Custom made? Who knows? It’s a sick world we’re living in with sick people… everything is possible! ;)
    And honey, I have a couple of jackasses I want to sue myself … So… sue first and voodoo torture after, or vice versa? ;)

    Justordinary- Thank you.. It’s what I do best!

    Alyssa M- I’m glad you do! Thank you.

    q8tia- maybe :*

    Queen N- Bring it on old woman ;*

    Adrenaline- Congratulations!
    Everyone check out Adrenaline’s post! :D

    http://theadrenalinefix.com/2008/09/01/my-aegean-journey/

  35. I think we all have one of those in our chests at one time…You described that godAWFUL feeling and weighty burden to a T. Love the pic too

  36. First of all, I love the art work. I have a thing about hearts, but that doesn’t look like a weak heart to me. Secondly, I am sorry for the pain, but would you be the disturbed stranger without it?

    I don’t mean to sound like a cold bitch or anything. I just know I paint from my history..not all of it pretty. I tend to think that “darkness feeds a creative soul”

    How else can we expose the light.

    Where I disagree is their insistence:

    “they insisted I was obnoxious and had nothing special about me”

    If so, we wouldn’t all be here for you are quite unique! Tell the “negative energy” to move on ..you have the power.

    Good energies and peace of heart to you!

  37. It’s funny how destruction breeds creation. There was such a beautiful lyric to this, disturbed stranger. If I were you I’d go and find a big stone and throw it at ‘them’- it will take a weight off your chest :)

  38. Oh dear, I’m afraid I have met a stone or two in my life too. Maybe you can write ‘return to sender’ on that stone, eh? In the meantime, breathe.
    Annie

  39. You’ve been keeping things inside you for so long now. Isn’t it about time you spill and breathe?
    Whoever they are, you know they’re not worth the trouble, they will never bring you the happiness you need and DESERVE. Let go of your momentary pleasures and take a hold of what’s more important in life :)

    Take it easy!

  40. Cut your losses and ditch the sucker!
    I can tell from your charming character that it isn’t so hard for you to attract people (I might be one of them), so what are you waiting for?
    Dark and powerful post.

  41. The darkness and power of your writing is incredibly inspiring. Stunning work… all of it.

  42. I guess there is a stone in all of us. Sisyphians lugging around masonry of misery…but we get by…we get by… :)

  43. I truly love what you create from this deep pain, simply amazing

  44. naughtycorner07- It is a burden and I’m sure everyone has their own stone… but their weights differ… some are just unbearable!

    gypsy-heart- “darkness feeds a creative soul” Truer words could not have been spoken!
    Thank you for your support; I know I’m special, some people are just too blind or too jealous to admit it ;)
    I knew you’d love the picture by the way ;)
    Cheers!

    harmonie22- Which lyrics? I’m interested…
    and “If I were you I’d go and find a big stone and throw it at ‘them'”… They’re not worth my effort… but I might just hire someone to do the job for me… say… interested in earning a few extra bucks? ;)

    writerchick- Lol. I might just do that… It will save me the trouble… and will also save harmonie22 the obligation of taking the job ;) Thanks!

    celesto- I already HAVE the happiness I need and deserve…

    Homeless Man Speaks- “Cut your losses and ditch the sucker!”- Ironically that used to be my motto :)
    “I can tell from your charming character that it isn’t so hard for you to attract people”- Seems like you know me TOO well ;) but I’m flattered!
    “so what are you waiting for?”- ..er… My partner would execute me if I do so? I’ve already had numerous death threats… hmmm… “spill your blood if you do so” actually ;) so no thank you, I love every drop of my blood and I wouldn’t want to lose any of it :P

    Brad- Thank you very much.. and welcome to the dark side!

    tomachfive- Indeed we do, but it truly is a tiring journey!

    la lunatique- Thank you and welcome to my blog!

  45. я :)

  46. Disturbed Stranger that is a painful post, but some of your replies cracked me up! :D I adore your cool attitude and sarcastic tone in even the most serious matters; I love how nothing gets to you.
    Simply amazing.

    I don’t think burdens are troubles you can’t handle, with your character nothing is a bother is it? :)
    Although I’m a little freaked about your partner :/ spill your blood? yikes! But I’m sure the threat is out of obsessed love for you (even though obsessed can be “disturbing”, mmmm, you’re perfect for each other then :P )

  47. You rule :P You’re a god!

  48. I like you a lot I wish I can have one day with you

  49. Guess who dropped by my blog??????? :D

  50. I hope the cold stone lifts,
    very well written, moody piece

  51. ????- Russian? Wow! Thanks :)

    P2C2U- We ARE perfect for each other! And lol this is a change; complimenting my attitude? I’m usually told I have an attitude problem ;)

    Pure Hatred- Nope. I’m just a woman on a mission…

    Anonymous- I usually don’t approve anonymous comments but somehow yours managed to touch my stone-heart ;) 1 day with me? Do I dare ask why? ;)

    Elijah- NO WAY!!!

    Crafty Green Poet- Thank you and welcome to my moody blog!

  52. we are all unique,we can connect sometimes in what is said, or a shared feeling.

  53. i really love where you take the stone. the ending is incredible.

  54. I hope one day you discover how to dissolve your stone, that it should be a burden no more.

  55. well writen, not exactly my genre, but well writen…

  56. You discuss sensitive issues so daringly. You’re an amazing writer.

    mahji

  57. consistency + intensity = power. even a cursory glance over your blog shows you got some. thank you for stopping by my blog – it is apparent to me that i will be returning the favor with each new post. keep it up.

  58. That pic alone speaks volumes…
    Excellent post! :-)

  59. Of all pains, mental anguish is the worst. I can relate to being haunted by it.

  60. You’re perfect.

  61. Nice post, even if the sentiment behind it is unpleasant.

  62. yes. that joy stomping stone in the chest or the heart,
    often placed there by someone or something, terrible,
    so difficult to remove.

  63. Where’ the thing? You removed it already? Coward :P

    oo post el a7jar el karimah qawai!

    meno 7a6 el 7e9emah? bs shay cool. The last line is fab!
    get well soon ;)

    oo Queen N shughlech mashy…
    oo q8tia- kaaaak el tech3imah, yuba el ligafah mah zain ;)

  64. I have white hot light in the middle of my chest. And, there’s not enough Rolaids to stop it from burning.

  65. I think I have felt this and it is such a sad feeling. You put it in words that I cannot.

  66. yes, a cold stone says it quite succinctly. i commiserate on the corruptors of hearts as well.
    sarah

  67. beautiful image + words! thanks for visiting and commenting on my blog. looking forward to getting to know you. cheers!

  68. why is it that destruction and pain breed creativity? love your blog … thanx for visiting mine.

  69. The image is so descriptive. I just realized that. The stone isn’t pulling you down. It’s a heavy burden but you’re still on top. Others would break under such a heavy stone, but you’re pulling your weight. For that, if nothing else, you’re very special.
    p.s. my comment is, of course, for the fictional character in the text ;)
    p.p.s. awaiting more fictional narratives created by my favorite blogger.

  70. Thanks for dropping by Small Reflections and leaving the link back here. I’ve spent some time reading and looking at your photographs and wish I had more time to linger. This brief piece ‘resonates’ with the way I felt 19 years ago when my husband of 21 years decided he didn’t want to be married any longer and left … a few weeks after my mom died. Today (at 63) it’s sometimes challenging for me to remember how devastated I felt back then because all’s well now.
    Hugs and blessings,

  71. 7araam ;(

  72. Mjgolch – Yes, but some of us are more unique than the others.

    mrs. sarah ott – Thank you.

    Robin – I’m not sure I won’t to dissolve it. It’s part of who I am.

    Annamari – Why not make it your genre. It’s quite interesting if you think about it.

    mahji – I’m a very daring person.

    jason – Thank you very much. And welcome here.

    Ms. Behaving – I’m glad you like it.

    almost loved – And of all the pains, that’s the only one I suffer from.

    Delusional BND – You’re delusional. I’m beyond perfect.

    Casey – The world I know isn’t exactly a pleasant place.

    Cynthia – Especially it was placed by one of the dearest people to you; one you’ve always trusted.

    Viper –

    Dexter Colt – Welcome to my world. But sometimes that burning is worth the pain.

    heidi – That’s because it’s difficult to put in words. I myself could not entirely describe it.

    sarah flanigan – Thank you and welcome to my blog.

    odessa – Likewise. And welcome to my blog.

    frizzyscissorhands – Are you implying that I’m destroyed and in pain? ;)

    Hanan – Thank you for your support. It means so much coming from you … Do I have to say it again? I know I am special. New post coming up for my favorite reader.

    storyteller – That was really painful to read. I’m glad all is fine now. I wish someday I can say the same. Thanks for stopping by and welcome to my blog.

    sh7afana – Maybe. Maybe not. It depends on how you see it.

  73. Hey: great, intense post. I think most of us can identify with that stone, albeit a different type, but all heavy and icky and creating difficulty for us to cope, to breathe, but the key is holding onto our control, and knowing that the stone won’t be removed, but that we learn how to actually dissolve it. Peace, V.

  74. I can somehow relate with your words.

  75. Painful aura here and you express it frankly and masterly.

    You might want to reconsider your partner, he sounds like a psycho! But don’t tell him I said that I fear for my blood too :P

  76. Powerful image yet very devestating

  77. Wow…I am feeling this one today. I need to post the picture on my chest. Life is sometimes hard…we just have to figure out what is best for us and not what is best for a situation.

  78. Думаю понравится любому!

  79. A Picture says many words….
    http://shayrionline.blogspot.com/

  80. This is one sad post. Yet so beautiful.

  81. I know the stone, it only dissolves with time… maybe … it is also the source of your greatest strength, built from carrying it around, life is twisted

  82. I feel you!!
    as soon as i say the picture i got the interpretation…
    :)

  83. I know that feeling, deep inside…Almost overwhelming to the point it wants to devour everything in existence. Not sure if it’s psychoatic or misery, or pure sadness. Confused when it becomes a wonderful feeling on rare occasions.

    I can’t describe it really, only that if it had physical form I would destory all things around me…

    Of course its not a broken heart, altho many experience that. But absorbing all this worlds negative it has to offer, not caring where it comes from.

    I won’t tell you to do one way or another, find what you want to do with it and go from there.

    For me, I couldn’t stand living without it.

    (Not everyone is stupid enough to believe in “good things will happen” or “Only think of the positive” Sometimes it’s best to live in the negative as well as the positive.)

    P.S. That was just for my defense if my post was attacked by “do-gooders idiots” since I’m just wandering by here but not coming back.

  84. you don’t deserve this pain. that’s all what i can say. i would like to have this feeling impregnated by your post for a long time. best out of the worst.

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