Poisoned Mind
The air was damp. A misty cool breeze blew… causing diminutive waves to crash on jagged but softened rocks at the bottom of the cliff. The sun’s vicious beams refracted off the rock’s tarnished yet gleaming glaze. Seagulls sang as they glided over the sea… fluttering against the waves. She leaned back against one of the rocks, focusing her weight on the center of her back. Her blouse felt moist and cold. She gripped hard at the papers in her hands… twisting them firmly in her clutch. Her rheum eyes started to burn as she stared across the infinite blue… and with a single blink tears ran down her face. why? she thought. A strike of pain shot in her chest and flashbacked several diminished slides in the screening of her mind “WHY?” she yelled. Her voice echoed in the empty space not quite as empty as her heart. But there was no answer… for there never is an answer to pain. Whimpering… she gradually loosened her grip… and the papers hovered into the sea. The writing started to fade as the ink merged with the water causing a dark blotch near her feet. She was free. Free from her pain. The papers were completely drenched now, unlike her body however, they did not drown…
(gasps)
hey i have the 1st comment! Love the image of ink merging with the water, freeing her. It’s really that simple sometimes, isn’t it?
another deliciously morbid piece-
harmonie22 said this on August 16, 2008 at 5:52 pm |
Absolutely heart-clenching.
I sympathize. As I was reading I felt like I wanted to just reach out and pull her out of there.
Bravo, really really bravo.
Maclean Patrick said this on August 16, 2008 at 6:15 pm |
What was in those papers? What pushed her to the end of her rope? (or cliff :P ) Why? Why? WHY?! ;)
Viper said this on August 17, 2008 at 4:02 am |
That is wonderfully written, careful control of over the tone so it is dark but not maudlin. The change of tone from why to WHY gives the piece real movement and energy and the final image is wonderful.
Paul said this on August 17, 2008 at 4:40 am |
i love the mystery and the intricate watercolor you have described for my minds eye. i enjoyed the sensual movement into the concluding action and how it set her free. “ink merged with the water” as harmonie22 mentioned really comes out of the text strongly
mrs. sarah ott said this on August 17, 2008 at 6:57 am |
Thats heart breaking!! I wish I could express my feeling similar way…you write so good that I keep visiting and reading ur post for few days and each time it takes me to a past of my life!
Amu said this on August 17, 2008 at 9:50 am |
Amazing writing! very descriptive and paints a detailed picture in the reader’s mind.
i wish all our pain could be on paper; freeing ourselves from it easily.
aTooNa said this on August 17, 2008 at 10:25 am |
harmonie22- Congrats on being the first ;) The ending to her suffering may seem simple but was the journey as simple?
Maclean Patrick- I don’t think she would have been grateful if you had pulled her out of there, do you? Thank you.
Viper- Her “whys” weren’t answered… why should yours be? ;)
Paul- Your comments are always encouraging and I look forward to them, thank you!
mrs.sarah ott- I’m glad you enjoyed it. Thank you and welcome here.
Amu- That’s really flattering! I’m honored to have you as a reader!
atoona- But do you think that was easy? Better yet, do you think it’s worth ending your life in order to end your pain? It’s a very difficult decision actually, don’t you think?
Thank you and welcome to my blog.
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 17, 2008 at 3:13 pm |
You try and you try, but sometimes it’s hopeless.
Powell said this on August 17, 2008 at 4:12 pm |
The atmosphere was intense and intoxicating. This story had several miles more depth and more descriptive quality than I’d expected after reading your rather discouraging profile page on Blogger ;). And no, in my opinion, ending one’s life to end one’s pain is rarely a good decision. Certainly not in this lady’s case.
Thanks for commenting my blog. I hope to read more here.
Fiendish said this on August 17, 2008 at 5:06 pm |
Some questions in life should not be answered. Only endured.
Evyl said this on August 17, 2008 at 5:18 pm |
wonderful
Sumedh said this on August 17, 2008 at 5:29 pm |
soul crushing post.
I like.
mental challenge said this on August 17, 2008 at 5:41 pm |
Powell- … Maybe you’re not trying hard enough.
Fiendish- Wise choice… When a leg’s infected you don’t kill the patient… you just amputate the leg… see my point?
Thank you for your comment and welcome to the “Disturbed” world.
Btw, I tend to be discouraging ;)
Evyl- Some questions in life should not be bothered with ;)
Sumedh- Thank you.
mental challenge- I knew you would Disturbed jr. ;)
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 17, 2008 at 6:21 pm |
This is beautiful, really descriptive. You write well. Thanks for sharing.
Jena Isle said this on August 17, 2008 at 6:49 pm |
I can almost feel the cold wind burning my eyes as I read.
It’s an absolutely powerful image. Saddening.
You are an amazing writer Disturbed Stranger. I salute you.
Alyssa M said this on August 17, 2008 at 10:32 pm |
Sad
Queen N said this on August 18, 2008 at 12:22 am |
this is quite sad!
but beautifully written :)
cruxine said this on August 18, 2008 at 1:41 am |
powerful post but sometimes quitting is better than trying
fadidra said this on August 18, 2008 at 1:45 am |
You paint with your words..chiaroscuro style! :)
gypsy-heart said this on August 18, 2008 at 3:27 am |
—
Very nice.
hakhak
elyens
XXXxx
rimewire said this on August 18, 2008 at 9:38 am |
Jena Isle- Thank you for visiting.
Alyssa M- Burned my eyes too the second time I read it… Thank you.
Queen N- There’s a change ;)
cruxine- Welcome to my blog! I am beautiful… so naturally I write beautifully ;)
fadidra- That’s true… but quitting on your life?
gypsy-heart- Now that’s interesting :) Thank you my dear.
rimewire- Thank you, nice to have you back here. Good luck with the competitions!
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 18, 2008 at 3:29 pm |
I bet the papers were letters sent to her by her husband’s/bf’s mistress explaining the affair that’s been going on for years, close? :P
Dr.Know said this on August 18, 2008 at 4:38 pm |
The sun’s vicious beams refracted off the rock’s tarnished yet gleaming glaze. very nice line…descriptive and gives us just enough insight to the end. you’re really able to create an intriguing atmosphere. lots of beautiful description for one last moment in time.
laineylapiz said this on August 18, 2008 at 5:47 pm |
It doesn’t feel like the end as if somehow she’ll sink to find another world.
Beautiful Disturbed Stranger.
Delusional BND said this on August 18, 2008 at 6:25 pm |
I could spend days in your blog. I just love this in here. You expressed what so many people feel at times. I know there are many that would say they have never been pushed to the edge like this. I have. I would never have jumped off the edge…but many have. The mind can play terrible tricks on many. In life, just stepping back and pausing is all that is needed most of the time.
Tammy Warren said this on August 18, 2008 at 7:20 pm |
I don’t think she’s a very patient person. What a waste of life. 7mara.
q8tia said this on August 18, 2008 at 9:11 pm |
Your writing reminds me of the band Sigur Ros. My imagination is engaged.
randall said this on August 19, 2008 at 1:37 am |
Dr.Know- …very original ;)
laineylapiz- Well I do appreciate accuracy in details… So thank you for noticing.
Delusional BND- Interesting… That’s how I wanted to end it at first but then thought… she doesn’t deserve hope for a second chance.
Tammy Warren- Very brave of you to confess… But sometimes stepping back and pausing just causes unnecessary delays to a problem… Although it would have been the wiser choice in this case.
Welcome to my blog and feel free to explore the dark side ;)
q8tia- Some people out there are just a “waste of life”… Maybe more should consider paying our cliff a visit ;)
randall- Fabulous… I love engaged minds. Welcome here!
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 19, 2008 at 4:53 am |
Beautifully written. You have the gift of describing things. I totally felt like I was in that girl’s place. But what was written on the paper? It would be lovely to read more from you.
CeCe said this on August 19, 2008 at 3:13 pm |
Your writings are masteerpieces. I enjoy reading them over and over. Amazing Disturbed.
Homeless Man Speaks said this on August 19, 2008 at 7:21 pm |
Great stuff here. Glad I stopped by to check it out. I defiinetly will stop by again.
JO
justordinary said this on August 19, 2008 at 10:00 pm |
Poor girl. She must have suffered a lot. Maybe now she’ll finally find some peace.
Nicely done, your work continues to amaze me.
Celesto said this on August 20, 2008 at 12:10 am |
What a great writer you are. Idol.
Jonell said this on August 20, 2008 at 3:02 am |
I could feel all the emotion from her. It is amazing how you can write something that can actually show so much emotion.
heidi said this on August 20, 2008 at 7:24 am |
Your diligent attention to details signifies the conflict. Great writing.
Devil Finch said this on August 20, 2008 at 2:27 pm |
Простовато и, скорее всего, не в топ.
протезирование зубов said this on August 20, 2008 at 3:29 pm |
CeCe- Sparked your curiosity didn’t it? ;) Let your imagination dazzle me and you tell me what you think is in those papers.
Homeless Man Speaks- I’m honored to have you as a reader and I hope my upcoming posts don’t disappoint you.
Justordinary- I’m glad you stopped by, feel free to drop by anytime to satisfy your mind ;)
Celeso- I doubt it… And thanks.
Jonell- I am truly flattered. Thank you.
heidi- You are a sharp and sensitive reader. I’m glad you enjoyed the reading.
Devil Finch- Your work is as equally outstanding. Thank you.
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 20, 2008 at 3:42 pm |
Chilling
very well done Disturbed.
I urge you to write a novel.
Karri Compton said this on August 20, 2008 at 8:08 pm |
because I’m still alive to hear he answer? :p
AND because you can’t resist any of m requests :D (am I pushing it too far?)
Viper said this on August 20, 2008 at 9:51 pm |
Very touching. Sometimes the pain is just unbearable. I understand where she’s coming from, but I would never dream of going where she went to.
As usual breathtaking words.
P2C2U said this on August 21, 2008 at 1:30 am |
“diminutive waves to crash on jagged but softened rocks at the bottom of the cliff.” Sounds like a great metaphor for life.
randall said this on August 21, 2008 at 7:32 am |
Amazing!
Pure Hatred said this on August 21, 2008 at 3:18 pm |
Karri Compton- In time I will… Thank you for your support.
Viper- Then watch me not resist your request.
P2C2U- I hope you don’t. Pain builds strong character. It toughens you up… if you resist the jumping.
randall- Yeah it does…
Pure Hatred- Thanks.
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 21, 2008 at 4:42 pm |
Wow, I’d like to see some more of this piece if there is any.
You did a fantastic job of pulling the reader into the character’s angst.
Nicely done. Thanks for dropping by and reading the other day.
I’ll be back by to read some more of your work.
kim
Kim said this on August 21, 2008 at 9:35 pm |
Wonderfully expressed!! keep writing. :)
Vee said this on August 22, 2008 at 1:10 am |
Hello
You amazing writer, you. Brilliant, suicide by note. Perfect revenge and utterly fitting. I love your writing – it has quiet guts.
Annie
writerchick said this on August 22, 2008 at 2:45 am |
uh, so beautiful. i know that feeling that there ‘never is an answer to pain.’
Queen of the Universe said this on August 22, 2008 at 5:17 am |
Brilliant! Brilliant!
Dark. Hopeless. Suffocation. Pain. Disturbed.
I expect nothing less.
Terrific job!
Kevin H said this on August 22, 2008 at 3:36 pm |
Kim- Welcome aboard! Unfortunately there isn’t more to this piece but there will be more of the same quality. I’ll be visiting you soon as well.
Vee- Thank you!
writerchick- Thank you dear. I can say the same about your writing… I’m glad you enjoyed it.
Queen of the Universe- There never is an answer, to anything, is there?
Kevin H- You won’t get anything less ;)
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 22, 2008 at 7:03 pm |
I think I’m in love with you!
Chris said this on August 23, 2008 at 4:09 pm |
I love the way you see things, always have. Great insight. Magnificently portrayed.
J.J said this on August 23, 2008 at 7:10 pm |
I love the way you see things, always have. Also love the images you paint, eithr through words or art, you always end with a geat portrait. Maybe next time you can add some of your own paintings to your stories..?
Great insight. Magnificently portrayed.
J.J said this on August 23, 2008 at 7:13 pm |
Ahhhhh!!! Fantastic Disturbed Stranger! This piece was not really saddening as much as it vwas peaceful and relieving. The water crashing in conflict with the seagulls’ graceful gliding was mesmerizing.
I read it over and over, simply beautiful!
The papers were puzzling though; letters? suicide notes? or from a lover? Not providing an answer was clever of you. Not only does it give the reader the opportunity to imagine different scenarios but also gives it a mystifying taste of reality.
WELL DONE!
Elijah said this on August 23, 2008 at 9:33 pm |
well written….very well described….especially the merging of papers in the water…..well done
uNbReAkAbLe said this on August 24, 2008 at 6:01 pm |
how do you find such great pics to match your words? ahhhmazing!
naughtycorner07 said this on August 24, 2008 at 8:05 pm |
Freedom from pain. Is it caused by her death only or are the disappearing words on those pages part of the relief? It is as though the pain is killed by murdering the body, but even the memory of the pain needed to be gotten rid of. Or could it be that the suicide itself was caused when she had to write those words there? As if expressing her pain on paper made the pain impossible to bear.
This is beautiful writing. I was impressed when I first read it and I’m even more impressed now. I hate being impressed by somber thoughts, but it seems that somber is what you do best. Keep them coming love :*
Hanan said this on August 24, 2008 at 8:53 pm |
You got mail ;-)
Adrenaline said this on August 24, 2008 at 9:26 pm |
your post reminded me of bob dylan’s one more cup of coffee before i go ( to the valley below ) .
lovely, as usual.
vixenfatale said this on August 27, 2008 at 12:01 am |
Wonderful piece, can’t help but feel her, good job! :)
tomachfive said this on August 27, 2008 at 7:57 am |
Chris- I get that a lot… it’s almost meaningless…
J.J- Thanks.. but I’d never add my paintings here… they’re too personal, you’ve seen them, you know what I mean.
Elijah- Always out to analyze… why can’t you just read for the sake of reading only? ;) loved your last post by the way.
unbreakable- Thank you and welcome to my blog.
naughtycorner07- I don’t know.. I just have a good eye for things.. and I always take whatever pleases my eyes ;)
hanan- Maybe she was unappreciated… or belittled… or neglected… or falsely accused…? So many unanswered questions… I guess we’ll never know now will we? The torture of physical pain doesn’t come close to that of mental pain. Thank you for your “support”.
Adrenaline- Got it ;)
vixenfatale- Maybe I shoud’ve added that somewhere… Thank you.
tomachfive- I wish other people had the decency to feel her as well. Thank you and welcome to my blog.
Disturbed Stranger said this on August 29, 2008 at 2:36 am |
i don’t think it was easy at all, but freedom from all pain is so tempting! its important to remember that life w/ all its good and bad is too precious to let go of.
thanx, gr8 blog.
aTooNa said this on August 30, 2008 at 8:24 pm |
Неплохо
ИБП said this on September 3, 2008 at 10:08 am |
Brilliant imagery in your words. Simply beautiful
enreal said this on September 7, 2008 at 6:59 am |
So good and touching. well done
the.I.inside said this on September 10, 2008 at 12:22 pm |